Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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