Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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