My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
