I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
