the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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