Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
