Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
