We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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