please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
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