Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
