The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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