I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
