Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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