she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
