man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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