Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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