I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
