Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
