she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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