I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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