Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
