do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
