This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
