the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
