Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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