wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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