I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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