im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
