I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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