I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
