The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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