are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
