I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
