I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
