Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
