I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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