i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm just crazy horny about you
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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