You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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