Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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