Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
The air was thick with penises
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
