So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
