we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
