Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
My vagina is officially offended.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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