So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
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Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
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He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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