wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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