I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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