I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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