Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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