its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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