Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
