Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
