hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
