i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
