Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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