at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
So. Much. Porn.
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