I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
