I should be sponsored by Trojan
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
