I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
