A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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