He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
