i can't believe i had my finger in that
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
