no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
