So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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