I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
