i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
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She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
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For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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