so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize