I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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