white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
