She is in my trunk
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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