btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
