You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
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I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
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YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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