ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
