I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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