I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
