Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
