I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
