This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
