I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
