he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
