Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
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I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
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We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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