Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
