he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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