She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
