apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
