I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
