new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
