In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
