"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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